"Know History, Know Self, No History, No Self"

i. am. so. fucking. bored. out. of. my. mind. someone. kill. me.

today went training with tony, i didnt know what to expect since my last training with him. That one was all bad. I nearly blacked out. But since then i been working out a lil bit. Taking better care of myself and today was the day to test. We freaking did TWO rounds of, footwork, partner pushups, sit ups, leg kicks, leg swings, jabs, combinations, and then last but not least, we wrestled at the end. It may sound easy, but lets see you come out and take a stab at it.

It was a good workout and i’m well on my way back to what i used to be. I weighed myself and estimated 215 because i couldn’t see the scale. I’m working to get 20 pounds off, but i really want to get back to 180. BOOYA

I guess the past is the past now. I thought maybe there could have been a little reconnection. Maybe a little spark into our friendship again, but i guess not. Its fine. It is life. I shall move on with mines and leave you to your life. The past is simply the past now. There are only what ifs now.

I shall leave it at that so i do not think too much of it. Fly by.

I take that back. you’re just busy. O.o

how wrong for me to jump to conclusions, or maybe i am right.

“In a world full of strangers, you can only expect to find yourself.”

fuck im sleepy and tired, got my ass beat in COD, school 2mrw at 9. FUCK

we used to be so close and koo and all. we used to talk a lot, and then it started slipping away. i guess it just had to be that way. we havnt spoken in ages and all of a sudden im tagged onto something and there are only a few others tagged as well. random ones u say. i wonder why i was a chosen one. i know i should not think too much of it, i dont want to, but i cant help but to wonder. god damn human instincts most of the time their good, sometimes you just dont want em. T.T

Today, i finally accomplished something that was on my mind since friday night. it wasn’t easy or nice, but i finally overcame it.

It all started after dinner, we was heading back to Souriya’s house and i had something on my mind, so i let him know that i might have to let it all out tonight or saturday morning ya know. It was like i was going to pour my heart out to him.

Came night, i didn’t. he was like its okay tommorrow morning. and i ended up not letting it out then. I felt that it wasn’t the right time, we had a basketball tournament and i told him i’ll hold on to it until its over.

I never let it out. At all. i felt a very heavy burden on me and it was so disappointing. I was ashamed of myself. I held it in for so long and it hurt so much. Today i decided that FUCK IT. im doing it. and i did. it took the heavy burden off me, but it felt so great. I know that it hurts a lot and it wasn’t nice, but i had to tell ya. I let it all out. I hope we could go on from here. Don’t be mad at me.

I’m just kidding, i hadda take a shit and i was constipated. FML

so word is, we miens gotta eat 3 eggs and not pick up a 777 phone call, i dont know if it applies to all families, but my friends did it.

im scared so ima do it too. i turned off my phone. and it was past over to us from the motherland, it must be serious.

cnguyennn:

What do I live for?  What am I doing with my life? Where the fuck am I heading?

I wanna say I live for myself.  But sometimes, “me”, just doesn’t seem important enough.

Sometimes I feel like I’m spiraling out of control, just looking for a reason.  I feel like I can never say what I want to say.  I feel like I can never do what I want to do, or accomplish what I want to accomplish.

Life is so dull sometimes.  Especially when everything’s not what you want it to be.  I’m fine with my life.  I have no real problems.  I’m not sad.  I’m not depressed. But this life….

Is just so… Unsatisfying.

:|

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way in my life.

It just feels so empty.

And when I want to search for answers, I just don’t know where to go, or what I’m looking for.

I believe optimism is the key to happiness.  But what if you run out of reasons to be optimistic about? I guess I’ll just wait for something exciting to happen.

What u need is a spice of STP in yo life

deezynguyen:

I really, really hate when people just can’t except the fact that I’m a pescetarian. You say I’m crazy? I’m not the one killing and eating animals. My friends who respect it, much love. But to the rest who sit in front of my face and eat meat, trying to make me give in are little bitches. I fucking hate that, yeah, I laugh it off sometimes, but at this point, it gets hella annoying. So stop, please.

I would like to apologize for any offenses i’ve made. you know i like to joke alot, but now that i know you guys, Donna and Chirivann, are bothered by all of this, i shall try my best to hold back my thoughts, but please don’t be offended if i do let something slip. I support you guys all the way, and maybe i’ll join yall….one day…..

What do i do when i begin to lose my faith and hope in something?

What do i do when things don’t match up?

What do i do when i want to give up and take a step back?

What do i do when i think people just aren’t committed to it?

What do i do when things can’t get started after i’ve tried so hard?

Do i take a step back and relax?

or

Do i keep pushing and trying to get things through?

Because i feel like i have nothing left to give if no one is willing to accept.

I feel like its not worth it anymore

I feel like relaxing and taking a step back. I feel like just taking a break from it for a little.

Sigh

ilamlegend:

The past, when everything you ever did didn’t mean as much. When you can just do whatever and no one cares. The good ole’ days.

- Bruh i feel you bro. Its because we’re all getting older and as we get older we just grow and begin to realize how important things are and begin to take things more serious. Growth my brother.

So today, i aint done shit, but watch movies and tv. so much for a productive day T.T

I’m going to go to Hieu’s graduation from Edwards Shands or some. Congrats brother. A long path has finally come to an end, but another has begun.

Afterwards, Gonna hit up my homegirl’s bday party wit some folks.

Mobbbbiinnnn

Thats wssup Chaaales. I feel u. Fucking idiots.

ilamlegend:

how guys apparently are always the bad guys, and don’t give a shit about the girl. You can go to hell shit, I know you know not all guys are like that but damn, you girls must know some pretty fucked up people, if you think majority of the guys are like that. Haven’t you ever thought that you might actually be the problem, not saying you are, but I fucking hate how society puts all the fucking blame on the guys. That shit is fucking wack. If you can’t seem to find a nice guy then your in the wrong fucking place, cause theirs plenty of them out there. I know a ton, but you girls always seem to be attracted to the ugly ones, the fucked up ones, the ones that really don’t give a shit, the ones that only want to get into your pants. Don’t always expect the guys to come find you, sometimes you need to go out looking for yourselves, because always chasing someone we like is hard work. Guys aren’t always going to do all the work, if you want a good relationship, the workload is split up 50/50.

Hmm..i was on facebook and saw a friends update. I thought to myself, “who is this guy? Who are these peoples?”

They’re old friends from high school. High School just seems like a dream to me now. Its almost like it never happened. Like life just somehow skipped from middle school to now. The people and friends i used to see everyday, talk to everyday, now seem like strangers. Its amazing to me yes it is.

Friends, Friends to me, it seems like, their just…..kind of like games ya know. They come and stick around for a while, and then you don’t ever play wit the games anymore as in you don’t see them or hang around them. You lose the games or you simply stop playing. There’s also those games that just come around randomly and they stay for a bit, but is gone for a while, then coems back. But there are those games that you hang on to forever and are always there when ya need something. Like Dota and Madden =D

It makes me think a lot about friends then and now. Everything’s a dream to me now. Back in Middle School we had this crazy dream that at the end of high school, we would all be best friends and go camping and have so much fun. Now i don’t even see them anymore or chill wit em.

People i see on facebook everyday seem like strangers to me. That’s probably because the personal presence is missing. I used to think i was cool, i had a lot of friends in high school, ranging from the thugs to the tennis players. Now i have a handful that have stuck around and seem to be will always be around. I’m greatful for the friends i have now, even though they seem to break every principle i have, like they say Bitch and Hoes, but they’ve been here for me.

It’s a trip once high school ends. People and things just slowly drift away from you as you live a new lifestyle and all. It’s a lot to reflect. Too much. Maybe one day it’ll all come out.

As for now I’m good where i am with the friends i have. I’ve got my boys and my after school programs. The things that i never thought i’d be a part of a family with liek AYPAL and STP. Weird. Well, this is life.

And so it begins…..Dun Dun Dun.

Last sunday, after the workout with tony, he asked us…” What is it that you’ve always wanted to do, but never done it?” I said working out. He then asked ” How long does it take you to make a decision?” I answered almost forever.

He proceeded to tell us, ” It should take only two minutes to make a decision, TWO minutes. Otherwise don’t fucking do it. What’s the point of taking an hour to decide to do something, you then might as well not do it. It’s a waste of time. Just decide in two minutes. If you tried and failed, at least you know you tried and failed. It’ll take the pressure off yo chest. Otherwise the decision will linger on and on forever.”

These aren’t his exact words, but they made a lot of sense. Taking forever to make decisions just wastes time.

I tried to write stuff to make sense, but i couldn’t so i’m ending it here.

Ah. Again another Season of Dota is coming near its end. We said this last time, but we all came rushing back to Dota like there was no end. This time i hope i can stay away.

School is starting in two weeks and i have to get myself together for the sake of myself.

Those nights of long dota sessions and intensity has come to a near end. How much longer will it last? a few days? a few weeks?

I am trying to take a step back, i cannot let this little game consume my life..(thought i speak about it like it is my life…it is my life…jk.)

Lets see how long the brothers can stay away from their duties.

Good-Bye dota and hello to a new beginning on words alike brother hieu’s. Earth.

so today, i went to training wit tony and art like usual. but today was different from all other days.

it was very hard. we barely warmed up and i was light headed, tired, breahting hard, and everything was bright. i could go no further. i laid down feeling ready to vomit and very exhausted.

i realized its time to face the truth and stop living in denial

i have let myself go

i thought i was invincible. 2 years ago i stopped hooping, for 3 months, and i gain quite some weight. i always thought i could rebound from that, but it never came. and now its taking a toll on my life.

i realized there are some  things or a lot of things i must change.

tony wants us to start writing in a journal. i will start that after this.

denial no more. 2010 here i come

So new years eve. I was wit the twins and we hit up Hai’s party….way too early. We got there at like 7. it started at like 10 or 11.

the night was koo. we was on and what not. chilled. played kings cup. holy shit.

it came down to me and lisa. there was two cards left and it was my turn. i envisioned the king to be on the right so i picked the left and i got a 5 instaed! lisa had to drink that shit hell yea.

On new years, i was wit the squad and we chilled in hayward like always. BBQ then we hit up a tele. it was a kiddy tele. we expected people our age but we were disappointed. they even killed all the drinks and tried to make us fade. we brought a fifth. fuckers. we took about two shots, for some reason it was nasty as fuck so we cut. ya. not as fun as last year, but it was koo

i have a girlfriend. her name is Ratema Uch. She’s beautiful. =]

if that’s not proof of how not-gay i am, then i don’t know WHAT is.